Live From New York, It's Saturday Night!
by ReadWriteFangirl
Summary: Was she discussing a song about having sex on a twin bed, or was it a song about teachers on a snow day? Either way, Beca's breath hitched, Lorne hadn't said anything about this new featured player. [The SNL/Weekend Update AU that no one asked for.]
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:**_ ** _I rewrote this since I didn't like how the original chapter played out. Also, some of the characters (Aubrey) will be stretched a little (i.e. less uptight) because how would they (Aubrey) even get onto SNL as an uptight person?_**

 ** _Also, here's a little guide._**

 ** _Kate McKinnon is sort of channeled in both Beca and Aubrey, with Beca getting the laid back sense and Aubrey receiving some of McKinnon's impression ability._**

 ** _Either way, I need to see Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow and Anna Camp all host SNL together._**

* * *

 _ **Live From New York**_

 _01: The Big Apple Is Calling_

* * *

" _What a perfect day for a picnic, it's so nice out."_ Chloe jumped over the back of her couch, placing the newly opened ice cream tub on the coffee table. She handed one of the two spoons to Stacie, her housemate since college, and stuck her spoon in the cookie dough goodness.

"It's the final show before summer." Stacie noted as the sound of the audience's laughs entered the apartment through the speakers. "Two months and we have our auditions."

Chloe nodded silently as she swallowed the ice cream, eyes glued on the four people on screen - Emily Junk, Jesse Swanson, Bumper Allen and Fat Amy. This was the final cold open before their audition, before she may finally be on Saturday Night Live.

" _I'm just, I'm so happy it's finally that time of year again - you know what I mean."_ Both women held on to each and every word as they fell from Emily's mouth, the brunette their third favourite cast member. _"The breeze on the trees and the sun on my knees, it can only mean one little thing._ " Chloe's smile became even wider as the piano began playing.

" _It's summer, I can't believe it's finally summer!"_ All four cast members began singing, the cheesy beach backdrop adding to their cheeriness. _"No worries or cares, no need for long prayers; it's summer, summertime!"_ Chloe watched as Stacie opened Twitter on her phone, scrolling through their favourite hashtag: #SNLlive. _"It's summer! I'm so happy that it's summer! No more days spent inside, it's time to unwind; it's summer, summertime!"_

"It's a Hillary Clinton sketch!" Stacie blurted out, her arms raised in happiness at SNL's cryptic tweet. "Hillary Clinton!"

Chloe glanced at Stacie, the redhead snorting when her best friend's eyes glazed over at the sight of 'Hillary Clinton' walking towards the table. " _Hello."_ Stacie's incessant bouncing was beginning to drive Chloe mildly insane - the brunette had made her infatuation with Aubrey Posen clear from the blonde's first appearance on the show, three years prior. _"Can I have just a moment of your summer please? I'm Hillary Clinton, and I'm running for President of these United States."_

Stacie watched, smiling like an idiot at the TV screen. "I'd vote her for President." Chloe continued eating her ice cream, eyes glancing at Stacie every so often.

Bumper frowned on the screen. _"But that's not for a really long time. It's summer vacation!"_

" _I haven't had a vacation since 1953; I played hopscotch with a friend. I found it tedious."_ Chloe couldn't help but laugh; the shows writers were absolutely genius. _"Why hop when you can march - straight to the White House."_

"Oh my God, this is brilliant." Chloe went back for another spoon of ice cream, they were barely a minute and a half into the show.

Emily rest her head on Jesse's shoulder, _"this summer, I'm going to a waterpark."_

" _I'm going to Spain."_ Fat Amy added.

Stacie was practically drooling at the site of the blonde comedian. _"Well, I'm going to a fertiliser plant to tell immigrants about the American Dream._ " Chloe giggled as Jesse wiped his mouth, hiding a laugh. The lead male composed himself quickly enough to join in with the other four people in singing, _"It's summer, summertime!"_

The shot cut to a man and two women holding surfboards. Beca Mitchell, Benji Applebaum and Cynthia Rose Adams all donned wetsuits. Chloe's breath hitched. _"The ocean looks great, the waves are totally righteous."_ Beca noted, before all three broke into the song too.

" _It's summer! The ocean's always perfect in the summer."_ Chloe and Stacie began to nod their heads along with the music. _"The sea in my face, let's go catch those waves it's summer, summertime!"_

"Imagine watching your sketch put up on air, the one you've written." Stacie mentioned. "It must be amazing."

" _Hello 18 to 25 year olds."_ The laughs coming from the studio audience must have been so rewarding, Chloe thought to herself. _"How's it hanging?"_ The three surfers looked confused as Aubrey leaned against one of the boards awkwardly, more roars of laughter coming from the audience. _"I do love summer. Here's a fun fact about summer: this is Bernie Sander's 73rd one."_ The blonde's awkward laugh caused both Chloe and Stacie to chuckle.

"I'm going to marry her someday." Stacie proclaimed, snapping a picture of their snack-laden coffee table and posting it to instagram with the caption: 'It's summer, summertime!'. "Just you watch, Beale."

Beca, Benji and Cynthia Rose all exchanged looks. _"I guess the whole 'old age' narrative is his thing now. Will you kids help me spread that?"_

Benji pointed to his left. _"We're about to hit the waves, if you don't mind."_

"He's so adorable, he had a good first season." Chloe smiled as she continued watching. "Imagine if we'd got on that young."

"I know right, but imagine being on the show at 19!"

" _That's cool."_ Cynthia Rose continued giving 'Hillary' an odd look. _"Y'know, in two years, I'll be 69 - Bill told me to tell that to the young demographic."_ The clapping from the TV made Chloe wish they were watching from Studio 8H.

" _Right,"_ Beca said awkwardly, invoking more laughter. _"Well, I can hear the waves calling my name._ "

" _And I can hear the screams of a dying middle class."_ As the music started up again, Stacie began singing along. _"It's summer, summertime!"_

"Brilliant." Stacie applauded. "Absolutely brilliant." The shot cut once more, moving to two people on a tandem bike - who Stacie and Chloe could easily identify as Ashley and Luke.

" _I hope it never ends, summer I mean."_ Chloe could still remember when Ashley and Luke were both quiet and shy when they first arrived, but the rest of the cast had managed to break them out of their shells. _"It's summer, hip hooray it's finally summer. With nothing to do, it's just me and you it's summer-"_

The music was brought to an abrupt halt as Aubrey began running alongside the tandem bike, causing both Stacie and Chloe to let all their pent up laughter out.

" _Hello, I'm Hillary Clinton."_ The blonde's over the top running caused a small smile to paste itself upon 's face. _"I love that tandem bike, if you elect me, I promise to work in_ _ **tandem**_ _with congress."_

Ashley frowned. _"You're running on the beach in a wool suit, aren't you hot?"_

" _I am hot-"_ Chloe took the final piece of cookie dough from the ice cream tub - 4 minutes, new record. _"- for America! I will run until I meet every voter alive, and then this November, I will collect my reward."_

Luke leaned forward on the bike. _"Well the election's next November, you have another year of this."_

" _No. No, no, no, no no!"_ Aubrey ran off the front of the scene.

Ashley and continued on merrily. _"It's summer, summertime!"_

Stacie shook her head. "I would pay $10,000 for that wool jacket." Chloe giggled as the shot moved once more to Jessica and Lily, the duo sitting on the sand with a small sand castle in front of them.

" _I love our sandcastle, it's got a moat and everything!"_ Jessica's outfit reflected that of a young child, her hair in pigtails. _"It's summer, oh boy I'm glad it's finally summer! No homework or school, no teachers or rules; it's summer, summertime!"_

Aubrey knelt down beside Jessica. _"I love your sandcastle!"_

Jessica's smile was wide, mimicking that of any young child. _"Thank you, it's our dream house."_

Aubrey nodded. _"How neat, this is my dream house._ " The shot panned around to show a sand model of The White House, causing Stacie and Chloe's laughter to continue. _"Why don't you tell your parents to vote for me, Hillary Clinton?"_

" _They don't like you._ " Lily answered simply, looking at the sandcastle. _"They say you're unrelatable."_

Aubrey stood up, walking from the sand White House and over to the smaller sandcastle. _"What a fun thing that I have heard everyday for the past 20 years."_ The blonde stepped on the sandcastle as the music picked back up again. _"It's summer, summertime!"_

The shot then cut back to the picnic table, where the entire cast walked on. _"It's summer! Everybody sing 'cause it's summer. Got nothing on me, vote for Hillary; it's summer, summertime! And live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"_

"Two months Stacie," Chloe whispered, "two months to go."

* * *

"Welcome to Studio 8H, your auditions are at four thirty and five respectively." Chloe glanced at Stacie, the entire prospect of being on SNL looking extremely scary. "Just a word of advice, Lorne won't laugh. Don't let it put you off." Chloe swallowed, "don't be scared, and pull out your best characters, you'll be fine. Just avoid Hillary Clinton, Penelope Cruz and Jane Lynch, we have so many of those they're all the same. Before last season, someone said, 'I'd be a much better Clinton than Aubrey Posen'. Lorne kicked them out so fast, oh God."

Stacie swallowed. "We'll keep that in mind, thanks."

The stagehand smiled, "hair and makeup is up the stairs, don't be worried."

Chloe ended up pacing back and forth for an hour before her audition. Stacie had been on the stage for the best part of ten minutes, and now she was worried that her friend may never come back. She'd heard some laughter from the show's head writer Rob Klein, and she figured that was as close to laughter from Lorne Michaels as either of them would get.

She could hear Stacie's final impression through the speakers. "Drink Pepsi." Chloe smiled, Stacie's impression of Sofia Vergara was not half bad. "Hey look, I just make one billion moneys!"

Chloe began wringing her hands as Stacie walked back off the stage. "Good job, Stace. Great job." Chloe pulled the brunette into a hug. "Wish me luck."

"You'll be great, promise."

Chloe walked onto the historical stage, following the stagehand from earlier. She looked into the audience, tilting her head at the sight of many of the heads sitting right at the back. "Hi, I can't do my act without you being down here, get your asses here right now." Her fake Boston accent being one she'd stripped from Temple Grandin at one point or another. "Y'know, I think that we don't do enough for animals on this show, Mr. Michaels, Lorney boy."

She walked off the stage five minutes later, shaking her head at the shakey impressions. Stacie immediately engulfed her in a hug, "you were awesome!"

"I demanded Lorne sit in the front row, who the fuck does that?"

Stacie sighed, Chloe wasn't a cusser. In all honesty, the brunette didn't think Chloe's audition was all that bad, and she could always submit some accidental screen tests and stand up sessions. It would be fine, she reasoned, and if she got in without Chloe, she'd push it back a year.

* * *

"They'll only pick one of us." Chloe was still pacing up and down the small corridor outside Lorne's office, the small room more intimidating than the stage they'd auditioned on a fortnight ago. "They won't have us both; they have so many female cast members already."

"Hey, Chloe, thanks for waiting." Lorne smiled from the doorway. "Good to see you again Stacie." Chloe quickly followed the show's creator into the office. "Sorry for the wait, three hours is nothing; Beca and Aubrey were out there for ten." Chloe slowly sat down on the chair, her eyes moving around the four walls. Her eyes fell on a fish tank in the corner as Lorne began talking about various technicalities of the show.

After ten minutes of low key conversation with Lorne and an SNL producer, Chloe was finally asked about herself. "I'm from Florida…" Well done Chloe, she thought, congrats.

"Well that went awfully." Chloe noted as she and Stacie walked back towards their tiny apartment. "My only words, 'I'm from Florida'. How the hell will I get on the show when they think I'm as boring as an actual circle of cheese."

Stacie sighed, if only she knew.

* * *

Her phone was forever displaying the time, the phone was cross checked with the date she'd found online. She wanted to turn the damn thing off, roll over, ignore the fact she wouldn't actually get the job. Her audition was awful by her usual standards; shaky voice, off impressions - the sight of the people who could change her life turned her into a bundle of nerves and a bad Emma Stone voice.

Maybe she would just celebrate sarcastically. After all, she promised that this would be her last shot - if they didn't want her the first time, why would they want her the second? She promised herself that if she wasn't able to make the cast this time, she'd agreed on going back to college and study something more… practical. What was the point in her acting if she wasn't able to do it on the one stage that mattered? She'd promised her parents that she'd restart again at the age of twenty-five, that 1200 miles wasn't worth it if she didn't get there young enough.

The thought of two of the main cast members starting at age 19 made her sob.

The dull ringing of her phone was too far away from her thoughts as she looked around her small living room, the place she'd hidden away in and watched the comedic greats in with Stacie since their freshman year of college. The repetitive ringtone almost made her want to press the 'decline' button on her phone.

Begrudgingly, she picked up the Apple product and looked at her laptop as she answered, bold typeface jutting out on the laptop screen: _**The final day to get a call from NBC for SNL hopefuls.**_ "Hello?" She sounded rude, Chloe knew that, but she could've missed the call which kick-started her entire career. However, she didn't get the chance to apologise when the woman on the opposite end of the line said her name in an air of professional urgency. "This is her, can I ask why you're calling?"

"I'm calling from NBC studios in New York City for Mr. Lorne Michaels to inform you that you should arrive for rehearsals at precisely 8AM this upcoming Monday. Your absence or tardiness will be inferred as a rejection of this opportunity. Please come in through the Rockefeller Plaza entrance. Someone will be waiting in the lobby by the elevators to take you up to Studio 8H. Have a nice night, Ms. Beale."

Stacie walked into the apartment as Chloe was staring at her phone. The redhead looked up at the sound of Stacie's coat dropping to the ground. "And live from New York, it's us on Saturday Night!"

The rest of their evening was spent was sketches and eating ice cream.

Chloe smiled as she stared at the ceiling.

She did it.

 _She was a featured player on Saturday Night Live._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: in this universe, SNL started in 1976, so the big 40 year bash is in 2016. The first episode is on October 3rd, 2015.**_

 _ **I only updated this quickly due to being off school sick. So, sorry for future chapters.**_

 ** _Please review!_**

* * *

 _ **Live From New York, It's Saturday Night!**_

 _02: The First Day_

* * *

Chloe finally closed her notebook, just as they were reaching their subway stop. Stacie had recommended she collect together her best sketch ideas just incase there was a slot in which they could have some input in the creative process. They'd been to Rockefeller Plaza twice before, but this time it was most definitely different.

They were on the show now.

Beca tapped her pen against her upper lip as she wrote a rough draft of a potential sketch in her notebook. Her seat on the windowsill was always covered in cushions - one for her, one for Aubrey, and one for Emily. Three skinny bitches on a windowsill waiting to be knocked up, Fat Amy would proclaim every Monday morning when she arrived (often three minutes late with Bumper in tow).

"Let's do it on my twin bed." Beca looked to her left, gently tapping out a rhythm with her pen. They were unorthodox, definitely. "Not gonna like it." Emily continued scribbling down the lyrics as they came out of her mouth. "But it's the only option where we can get it poppin'. Let's do it on my twin bed, pop and fall off it. But let's get wild, in a bed for a child."

Beca looked at Emily's notebook, "more of a Christmas Holiday's song don't you think?"

"I agree." Emily flipped the page over, "we can keep it until then though. Who's the guest this week, I forgot?"

"Reese Witherspoon." Aubrey supplied as she walked through the door of Lorne's office, a Starbucks take away cardboard drink holder in hand. "We're apologising to our mothers on air - her idea." A few minutes later, and the small room was beginning to fill up; Lorne was at his desk, Beca, Emily and Aubrey were on their windowsill, Fat Amy and Bumper were sharing a bean bag and Jesse was perched on the edge of Lorne's desk.

Chloe practically sprinted up the stairs to Lorne's office, only peering into the office with Stacie as the clock reached five past eight. She glanced back at Stacie when no one reacted to their sudden presence, silently worrying that they'd already been fired.

"Well, Donald Trump is still high up in the polls, so what if we have Ann Romney saying 'you wish y'all had Mitt now'." Fat Amy suggested. "I still want to do Dyke and Fats." Chloe furrowed her eyebrows - _what_? "Beca can be Officer Les Dykawitz, and I can be Patricia Eatsome."

Lorne nodded. "I like it. Any ideas for sketches with Reese in them?"

"Inner White Girl!" Cynthia Rose offered. "About a woman whose inner white girl gets her through life."

Chloe cleared her throat, "what about for the cold open, you have Hillary Clinton in a bar with our Hillary Clinton." Silence went through Lorne's office at the redhead's words. "Oh, I'm Chloe, one of the new featured players."

Lorne nodded. "Get that written for Wednesday, I like it."

Chloe nodded as people began leaving the room. "I will do Mr. Michaels, promise."

"Chloe, honestly, call me Lorne."

* * *

Emily smiled as she led Chloe into the room the cast used when they had to write their sketches. "Here we are, you'll share a desk with Jessica and Ashley, but don't worry about lying on the floor or anything - we've all done it at some point. Beca and Aubrey are each writing a sketch too, so feel free to ask them anything. Have a good first week!"

Chloe slid into the chair and put her notebook down onto the desk, how fun would this be?

Stacie sat on the edge of the desk. "Chloe, you'll be fine, honestly."

"How am I supposed to write Hillary Clinton in a bar when I don't even have a premise for it?" Chloe sighed, leaning back in the chair and having a small heart attack when it reclined. "Shit." Tuesday was already going to be a long day, she decided. A long day of writing and pizza.

By the time Chloe was in the middle of her third draft, Beca and Aubrey entered the small room, each taking a seat at one of the other desks. "You need some help?" Chloe looked up from her laptop. "First sketch is the hardest, trust me, especially when it has a guest - or a political candidate." Chloe smiled slightly at Beca's words, the brunette opening her own laptop and getting to work. "They're reusing some of last season's good sketches that didn't quite make the cut, but Lorne really wants yours to be the cold open."

"No pressure then." Chloe murmured.

"Seriously Beca, you're scaring her." Aubrey cut in, elbowing her friend in the ribs. "Look, Chloe, if you need help, we can offer it. I'm pretty much done with a section of Weekend Update, and I'm sure Beca isn't having problems with a two minute sketch about police officers."

Chloe smiled gratefully. "You guys honestly don't have to help."

"When you're a Democrat, you get to eat dinner with Beyoncé." Beca chuckled at the blonde's pronunciation when she laid her southern accent on thickly. "When you're a Republican, you have to vote for Donald _'my net worth is many times Mitt Romney's'_ Trump! I bet y'all are wishing Mitt would run again."

Chloe giggled at the insert Aubrey had placed between Donald and Trump. "You wrote that?"

"Together we did, yeah." Beca confirmed, putting a headphone in. "This will be a good start to the new season I hope." She looked up at Chloe, "welcome to Saturday Night Live, it just gets crazy from here on out."

Chloe hummed in response. "So, a background character says something along the lines of; 'I love that Donald Trump guy' and someone else says 'nah, I like Ben Carson'. Then you cut to you, Aubrey, putting down a cup and sighing. That's where I'm at."

"Why won't the people let me lead? Just give me the hammer and the nails and let me fix it _**all**_!" Chloe smiled and wrote Aubrey's words down, maybe this wouldn't be too hard.

Chloe ended up spending until one a.m. in that room with Beca and Aubrey, the trio eventually rushing the ending by having the real Hillary and Aubrey breaking character to introduce show. Chloe submitted it to Lorne, and they bid each other a fond farewell.

Within their time together, Chloe had gathered several facts about the two stars of the show. They had met in high school, and they'd always watch the show together with Aubrey's parents (the blonde's mother was SNL alumnae). When they were 18, instead of going to college they moved out to New York from Atlanta, with some of their stand up getting noticed by one of SNL's scouts.

By the age of 19 they'd made it to SNL, with Beca mainly staying behind the scenes with writing as well as dabbling as a featured player.

* * *

Stacie groaned as Chloe opened her bedroom door at six a.m. "No, it's way too early."

"Um, Stacie, some of us actually only went to sleep at one." Chloe threw a pillow at her best friend. "Aubrey, Beca and I got pizza."

Stacie sat bolt upright straight away. "You had pizza with Aubrey Posen and you didn't think to tell me?"

"And I'm in a sketch with her." Chloe winked. "You are too, but whatever. We're recording it tomorrow." She walked towards the kitchen. "It's table read day, Stacie!"

Stacie swung her legs over the side of her bed, "you seem drunk, they didn't take you out did they?"

"They showed me how to get my creative juices flowing, we did drunken impressions after we finished." Chloe popped an aspirin capsule into her mouth, washing it down with a glass of water. "Either way, I'm so excited!"

* * *

Emily was channeling Chloe's excitement as the Repertory Player took her seat beside the redhead. "Morning, I heard your writing session with Beca and Bree went well!" Chloe raised an eyebrow, was nothing a secret in this cast? "Lorne secured Clinton, so it looks like you've written your first Cold Open."

Chloe froze as Stacie shook her arm. "Chlo! Oh my God!" Chloe stared at the pile of paper in front of her, _Season 40, Episode 1: Reese Witherspoon_ pasted on the front. Chloe tenderly opened the front page, eyes widening at the sight of the bold typeface; _**Hillary Bar Talk Cold Open - Written by Chloe Beale**_. "Congrats Chloe!"

The duo's celebration was cut off by Lorne walking into the room, silence falling over the group of comedians. "Right guys, let's get this done. We have thirty seven sketches to get through."

Chloe looked down the table, mouthing a silent 'thank you' to Beca and Aubrey, the former winking and mouthing back, 'it was all you, Beale'. Chloe couldn't help but beam as the scene played out, hers and Stacie's two small lines would become their first on Saturday Night Live, the first of hopefully an amazing time to come.

The remainder of the read through goes without a hitch, with Chloe and Stacie occasionally adding in a joke here and there. Some of which some of the other featured players rolled their eyes at, but others that the writing team seemed to find entertaining, some being jotted down.

When the final page was turned over, Lorne dished out scripts to the Repertory Players. "Right, this afternoon we're filming a cinematic sketch called Robbers. It's of the Repertory Players, but the others of you can hang around and watch." Chloe looked at Stacie. "Benji, Jesse and Bumper are robbing a bank; but they're awful at it. It's where the robbers actually leave a trail of comedy instead of terror."

Stacie's voice dropped to a whisper, "there is no way we aren't going, okay?"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Okay, so this is a very slow update, but I hope you enjoy their first show, this may just become a completed three shot.**_

* * *

 _ **Live From New York, It's Saturday Night!**_

 _03: We're Finally Live_

* * *

Chloe looked around in awe as she and Stacie finally made it backstage on Saturday morning. The atmosphere was a lot cheerier than the previous few days, with the Robbers sketch successfully filmed and a parody commercial being edited. With Thursday and Friday full of pre-dress rehearsal rehearsals, neither of them found themselves overly busy. Chloe had smiled in appreciation as Jessica and Ashley motioned for them to join the other Featured Players in the balcony, watching as their friends completed rehearsals.

"They're running through in order." Jessica whispered as she passed Chloe and Stacie a scone each. "Starting with the cold open through to the final sketch. It's a lot of sitting around, but at least we get to see it finished before the show tonight."

Ashley looked to the redhead and brunette. "Did you guys film your bit for the opening montage?"

Chloe nodded, "yep. Can't say it's the earliest night's sleep I've ever had." She watched as some of the Repertory Players made their way onto the stage, chatting and exchanging awful jokes. Chloe's eyes continued to remain glued on the historical stage as a woman walked onto the set, Lorne accompanying her. "Is that…?"

Jessica nodded, smiling. "Yep, Hillary Clinton."

Stacie whistled quietly. "Holy shit…"

Ashley giggled. "The real show is even crazier."

* * *

"You'll be amazing, okay?" Chloe stopped walking at the sound of the voices. "Bree, you've done this so many times." Chloe fought the urge to but in, to assist Beca in reassuring the stressed blonde. "You don't even have the first line, okay? You'll smash it."

Chloe swallowed, quickly bypassing them and making onto the small bar set for the Cold Open. Stacie was already there, of course, dressed in her clothes ready to complete their first sketch of SNL. She sat at the table, taking the fake beer pitcher and lacing her fingers in the handle. Within another minute, Jesse and Aubrey were at the bar; just in time for the show's director to call them in on being live.

Chloe looked to the cue cards, "Did you see Trump at that rally last week?"

Stacie nodded, "God, I love that guy. I also like Carly Fiorina."

"Wouldn't she make a great first female president?" Chloe asked, sipping from the glass of water. When they got the all clear that the shot had panned to the two Repertory Players at the bar, Chloe and Stacie both exited, being able to watch from the side.

Aubrey huffed, placing her glass down forcefully before slumping down on the bar stool. "Oh, Robby." She paused, taking a moment to wallow in her own pity, eliciting a laugh from the audience. "Why won't they just let me lead?" Jesse held his index finger up, trying to silence her. "Just give me the hammer and the nails and let me fix it all."

Jesse looked around the bar. "No, Hillary, I think you've heard enough in here, let's go."

Aubrey sighed. "You go ahead; I'm going to have one more drink." Jesse stood up, walking out of the sketch. "Hey, bartender, keep 'em coming."

The bartender turned around, a vodka bottle filled with water in her hand. As soon as the camera caught her face, the audience began yelling. Hillary filled Aubrey's glass with the water before she put the bottle down, watching as the younger blonde sipped from the drink. "Rough night?"

Aubrey put the glass back down. "Yeah, you could say that." She looked at Hillary, "hi, I'm Hillary Rodham Clinton." She held her hand out for a handshake.

Hillary smiled, accepting the handshake. "Nice name, I'm Val." More laughs from the audience continued as Chloe, Stacie and Jesse watched from the sidelines, holding back their own chuckles. "What brings you here, Hillary?"

Aubrey shrugged. "I needed to blow off some steam, it's been a rough couple of 22 years."

"Why, what do you do for a living?"

Aubrey leaned both arms on the bar, smiling. "First, I am a grandmother. Second, I'm a human, entrusted with this one, green Earth."

Hillary pondered on the blonde's words for a second. "Ah, I get it, you're a politician."

"Yes, yes." Aubrey finished her drink. "What about you?"

Hillary raised an eyebrow. "Me? Well I'm just a regular citizen who believes the Keystone Pipeline will destroy our environment." The audience's laughs were still there, falling on the funniest moments.

Aubrey laughed, pointing at Hillary. "Yes. I agree with you there." She placed her index finger against the bartop. "It took me a long time to decide that but I am definitely against it."

Hillary threw her towel over her shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with taking your time, what matters is getting it right." She then poured more water into the glass, which Aubrey picked up.

"I'll drink to that." Aubrey held her glass mere inches from her lips. "God I love a scolding hot vodka."

Hillary raised an eyebrow. "Now that I come to think of it, I didn't check your ID."

Aubrey began cackling in her over the top Hillary Clinton cackle, "ID? I have a one-year-old granddaughter; she calls me Madame President."

Hillary Clinton had to take a moment to compose herself. "I never would've guessed, you give off such a young, cool vibe. You must work in Brooklyn."

"Yes, somewhere in there, yes."

Their conversation was interrupted by Emily, who walked up beside Hillary dressed in a bartender's uniform. "Hi Mrs. Clinton, I'm so sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say, my sister's gay. Thank you for everything you've done for gay rights."

Aubrey held her hand out, shaking the Emily's hand. "Well, you're welcome." Emily then disappeared again, leaving the two Hillarys together.

"Y'know, it is great how long you've supported gay marriage."

Aubrey sipped her drink. "I could've supported it sooner."

Hillary watched as Aubrey sipped her drink again. "Well, you did it pretty soon."

"Could've been sooner." Aubrey winked at Hillary, causing the audience to laugh.

"Fair point." Hillary conceded, the audience's laughter growing as she refilled Aubrey's glass again.

"Oh, Val." Aubrey sighed, leaning her head on her fist and looking off into the distance. "I'm just so damn bummed. All anyone wants to talk about is Donald Trump."

Hillary looked at the younger woman in confusion, "Donald Trump? Isn't he the one that's like, _'you're all losers.'_ " Aubrey began laughing, leaning back in her chair to clap as the audience whooped. "I mean; do you think he'll win the primaries?"

Aubrey paused, "he must." Beca slid in beside Chloe, smiling at the redhead. "I want to be the one to take him down." Aubrey took a deep breath. "I will destroy him, and I will mount his hair in the Oval Office!" The younger woman lifted her glass, shaking it back in forth as she looked into the distance. "If I decide to continue running, who knows?"

The audience were soaking up every second of the cold open, the liveness of the sketch refreshing against some of last year's pre-recorded Opens. "That sounds like a lot." Hillary interrupted. "Maybe you should take a vacation."

"A va- a vacentien?"

" _Vacation_." Hillary repeated.

"A vacacen-what are you saying?"

Hillary chuckled, holding her hands up to reiterate her point. "A _**vacation!**_ "

Aubrey chuckled, clasping her hands together. "Thank you, this has been really nice." She paused, looking at Hillary. "You're really easy to talk to Val."

"Thanks, Hillary." Hillary smiled. "Y'know, that's the first time I've ever heard that."

Aubrey smiled. "Oh, Val, I wish **you** could be President."

Hillary chuckled. "Me too!" She paused, waiting for Aubrey to join her. "And live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

* * *

Chloe glanced at Stacie as they stood, waiting to go on for their part in Reese's monologue. They'd managed to round up their mothers and they'd each decided on their apology to say live on air. It wasn't exactly Chloe's ideal cup of tea for her first show; but she couldn't change it now.

" _First up, Beca and her mom Jennifer."_ Chloe looked to the small monitor in the wings, where Beca and her mother walked onto the stage.

Beca held up the bouquet of flowers. _"Mom, I'm sorry that when I was younger I'd write you messages in the dingbat font so you couldn't see that I was using swear words."_

Jennifer chuckled. _"I knew."_ Beca bit her lip before handing over the flowers and leading her mother back to the wings.

Chloe smiled at her own mother, the older redhead too focused on the monitor. Chloe continued listening to the monologue as Reese continued. _"Next up is Jesse and his mom, Steph."_

" _Hey, mom."_ Jesse began. _"Y'know you'd make me those sandwiches for school with basil and herbs in them and stuff?"_ Steph nodded. _"Well I threw them all in the trash, let's go."_ The audience began laughing as the shot moved back to Reese.

" _Next is Aubrey and her mom Caitlin."_

Chloe watched as Stacie perked up, the sight of the blonde making her day slightly better. "You're staring." Chloe whispered, receiving a gentle nudge in return.

" _Hi mom…"_ Aubrey began, looking at the addition to the flowers in her hand. _"I'm sorry that when I was ten, dad and I were redecorating and I accidentally dropped your Emmy down the stairs…"_ Chloe's eyes widened, what? _"So, please have my Emmy, I'm sorry mom."_ Awhs ran out through the audience as Chloe began to become nervous. This was her first show. After Emily, Cynthia Rose and Benji, it was Stacie's turn. The brunette swallowed as she led her mom onto the stage.

" _Mom, I'm sorry for all those times I asked to borrow the car to go to the movies."_ Stacie began, _"I actually took it to a motel where I slept with Louis Zimmer…"_

Reese smiled. _"That's kinda hot."_

Stacie's mom, Jessalyn chuckled. _"He really wasn't."_ Stacie came off the stage blushing deep red, causing Chloe to giggle.

Reese smiled, _"last, but not least, please welcome new featured player Chloe and her mom Lindsay."_

Chloe got a reassuring squeeze on her hand from her mom as she walked where she was directed in rehearsals. When she found the small black 'x', Chloe swallowed. "Mom, I'm so sorry that when I was six, I wrote my name on the wall and blamed it on grandma." The audience's laughs were slightly reassuring her. "And then you said, 'how can grandma get up and write that when she's in a wheelchair?'" More laughs followed. "And then I said, 'It's a Christmas miracle!" Chloe smiled at her mother, kissing her on the cheek. "I love you, mom."

Lindsay chuckled. "Well, the other moms and I have a little something we want to apologise for. We're sorry we're about to show all your home videos on live TV. Hit it Lorne!" As the pre-edited video began to play, Chloe smiled as the other cast members and their mothers joined them on the stage once again. She tried to ignore the video of her crying because her mom had gone shopping, and smiled at the video of Aubrey and Beca doing a sketch about cocaine when they were 16.

Once the video finished, Reese smiled. "We have a great show for you tonight, Florence and The Machine is here! Stick around and we'll be right back."

* * *

By midnight, Chloe was beginning to reach a high. Beca and Jesse were about to do Weekend Update, and she knew how funny that always was. She was between costume and make up when Lorne stopped her.

"Chloe, do you have a moment?" Chloe nodded, following him into the repertory cast member's room, currently left unoccupied. "Fat Amy and Bumper are unable to do their duo sketch, do you and Stacie have something you can slip in?"

Chloe stopped breathing. Lorne Michaels was asking her if she had any sketch ideas. "We have a McDonald's firing sketch we thought of in high school… if you can get a set done in an hour we can do that?"

Lorne paused for a moment, before nodding to himself. "Like the counter and restaurant?" Chloe nodded. "Okay. I need you to find red polo shirts then, and get Stacie to write up the cue cards. You'll go on in about half an hour." Chloe's eyes widened, holy shit. Lorne walked into the corridor. "Anyone not on Update, you have a sketch in a half hour to prepare for."

Chloe immediately ran into costume, trying to collect everything together.

* * *

Chloe took a deep breath as she and Stacie waited for the sketch to go live. When they got the signal, Reese read her line. "Okay, staff meeting, everybody circle up let's go. Carla, stay on the fryer incase anyone comes in." Lily nodded before walking behind the counter again, disappearing from the scene. Reese sighed, adjusting her McDonald's visor. "I, I hate this, this kinda meeting I just hate. Sales are down, so I'm going to have to make some cutbacks, let some people go." Chloe glanced at Stacie, this was their cue.

Stacie walked into the space in front of the counter. "Yeah right!"

Chloe followed her. "We know who you're gonna fire. We know it's us, you all hate us." She let herself fall into the character.

Stacie bent her knees. "And guess what? We hate all you bitches too!"

Reese frowned. "Guys, guys just please let me finish."

Chloe held her hand up. "No. Cause if you're firing us, then we going out on top like Seinfeld."

Stacie nodded. "Yeah! I got a farewell card for all you bitches. Angie, you're a jerk. You're just mean!" The camera panned to Jessica, whose name tag clearly said 'Angie'.

Chloe nodded. "Yeah! You as mean as a junkyard dog, Angie! And I wish you was never born into this world." Chloe folded her arms, really channeling her character, Leen.

Stacie leaned forward. " _Woof, woof, woof_. You a bitch!" The audience's laughter was non-stop, people grabbing their stomachs at the impromptu sketch.

Chloe nodded. "Yeah! You a stone-cold bitch, Angie!"

Reese tried to intervene. "Okay, guys, just please... just stop!"

Stacie pushed Reese backwards. "No! We just gettin' started! Oh, Brian!"

Chloe jumped onto a chair, standing up on it. "Brian! Every day, I wake up and I think, 'Yo! Is _**today**_ the day I punch that fool, Brian, until he dies?'!" The camera panned to Luke, who was frowning.

Stacie joined the redhead on a chair, choosing to turn her McDonald's visor backwards. "Yeah! Brian! Your breath smell like cream corn, and you ain't even eat no cream corn today! Ooh! Your turn, Kimmy!"

Chloe nodded. "Kimmy!"

Stacie jumped down, getting in Emily's face. "Kimmy! Are you _**always**_ on your period? You are like **one. Big. Period.** "

Chloe nodded. "Yeah! You should be at the end of a sentence, you huge period! You be creepin' me out!"

Reese tried to intervene once again. "Okay... guys, guys! This is inappropriate."

Stacie rolled up her sleeves. "I'll tell _you_ what's inappropriate! _Andrew!_ "

Chloe put her hand in front of her mouth like a megaphone. "Ooh, Andrew! You ain't got _**nothin'**_ behind those eyes! You a sneak!" The camera panned to Benji, who was staring into the camera, his eyes wide and empty of life. "Yeah, Andrew, I'm pretty sure you're a serial killer."

Stacie nodded at Chloe's line, looking to Jesse. "And if you lookin' for someone to kill _**next**_... might I suggest Nelliot?"

Chloe whistled. "Oh, Nelliott! Oh, you are a moosehead moron, Nelliott! And, by the way, what the _**hell**_ kind of name is Nelliot!"

Jesse raised an eyebrow. "Well... your name is Leen."

Chloe scoffed. "Yeah! It's short for Kathleen..."

"Bitch!" They both yelled together.

Reese tried, once again, to intervene the situation. "Okay, guys..."

Chloe pushed her back. "Get **out** of here!"

Stacie rubbed her hands together. "Okay! Who's next?! Oh, Don!"

Chloe walked up to Bumper. "Oh, Don _**sucks**_! You look like an ape with a bowl cut, man! I want to knife you in the chest!"

Stacie swallowed. "Doug, you a thief! You stole my heart! I loved you!"

Bumper frowned. "Well... this is the first I've heard of this..." Bumper held up his hand, a wedding ring on his ring finger. "I'm married."

Stacie turned away form him. "That's on _**you**_!"

Reese sighed, fed up with the slagging off going on. "Alright, guys, come on. That's enough..."

Stacie shook her head. "Six more to go! Beverly."

Chloe smiled. "Don't even think you're gettin' off easy, Beverly, just 'cause you still got no power."

"Yeah! I know you copied those Mad Libs, Beverly!" Stacie cut in. "Ain't nobody that funny!"

Chloe shook her head, "No, _hell_ , no! And let's talk about Seth Bogen for a minute!" She paused. "Quit talkin' about how your name sounds like Seth Rogen! You a girl, man!"

They waited three beats. "Bitch!"

Cynthia Rose scowled. "I-i-it does."

Stacie motioned slitting her neck. "But that ain't a story!"

Chloe held her hands out. "Yeah! A story got a beginnin'," Stacie motioned close to her. "a middle, and a _**end**_!"

"Yeah, that's barely an anecdote!" Stacie pointed out. "You a bitch, Seth Bogen!"

"Bitch!" When Reese went to interrupt again, Chloe held a hand up. "No! We got rights! And if you gonna fire us, you gotta hear us out!" She looked towards Beca. "Hey! New Guy! What's your name again?"

Beca scratched her arm. "Uh... I'm Randy, uh... I've worked here for six months."

Chloe bent her knees, mocking Beca's character. "Oh... "I'm Randy! I've worked here for six months!" Yo! This is Randy talkin' to Randy:"

Chloe and Stacie both moved back and forth, as if they were vibrating. "Ba da ba ba da! Go kill yourself!"

Aubrey looked at them, still in her Ann Romney wig from update. "You guys rehearsed this?"

Stacie looked at the blonde's name tag. "Oh, Martha! I've never liked you! Guess what? We all know you smoke in the beef fridge!"

Chloe nodded in agreement. "Yeah! People gotta **eat** that beef, Martha! And, by the way, I saw your weird leg, Martha! Bitch look like a cheese noodle! What, did you get burned?"

Aubrey's lips pursed together. "Yes."

Chloe and Stacie shared a look of regret for a few seconds before, "movin' on!"

"Yo! Where Patricia at?" Chloe asked.

Reese sat down in a chair, exasperated. "She called in sick."

Stacie clapped. "Get! That! Fool! On the phone!"

Chloe got her phone out from her pocket, 'dialling' Fat Amy, who was off stage with a mic.

"Hello?"

"Get a cheaper haircut!" Stacie yelled into the phone.

"You sound dumb on the phone!" Chloe completed.

"Who is this?!"

"Click!" Chloe and Stacie said in unison as Chloe 'hung up'.

Reese stood back up, wringing her wrists. "Alright! You've insulted everyone-"

Stacie shook her head. "Uh, uh. Get your bitch ass out here Carla." Lily emerged from behind the counter. "Yeah, Carla! You remind me of a doll no one wants to buy! So they just stop making that doll, eventually."

"Yeah, you a goofy Gus, Carla! None of us want to come to your above-ground pool…" Chloe began. "So stop asking!"

Resse stood up, finally managing to intervene the onslaught of insult. "Alright, Dana! Leen! I'm not firing you! You're my top sellers, and customers _**love**_ you!" She paused for a moment. "I'm firing Carla."

Chloe frowned, looking around at her colleagues. "Oh. Well, now I feel like an old boot…"

Stacie waved at Lily. "Sorry, Carla... that is tough. I know you just bought that above-ground pool…" Lily waved back as she left, Reese following her. "Oh, such a good guy…"

Chloe clapped. "Alright, guys! Good meeting, okay? But those nuggets ain't gonna make themselves!"

"Yeah," Stacie encouraged, "hands in! McDonald's, on three!"

"1! 2! 3!" They yelled in unison. "McDonald's" They shrugged when no one responded.

"That makes sense." Chloe conceded. "No, we get it! I understand. We said "Bitch!" a lot…"

* * *

"You finished your first show!" Chloe smiled at the congratulations from the rest of the cast, she could get used to this.


End file.
